3 humiliating lessons from trying to act like a ‘lead’

Hi

I once thought acting like a lead meant speaking first. Taking charge. Driving the meeting.

So I did that. I took up space. Gave long updates. Asked hard questions. Tried to sound like the smartest person in the room.

It backfired hard.

One senior stakeholder stopped inviting me to planning calls.

A teammate DMed me “you okay?” after I bulldozed through a sync.

And a PM flat-out told me: “You talk a lot. But I don’t know what you want.”

That one stung.

So I shut up. For a while.

Started listening. Asking real questions. Writing updates instead of monologuing in meetings. Framing problems instead of solutions.

That’s when things changed.

Suddenly I was being pulled into strategy convos. Asked for opinions. Trusted with tougher calls.

Turns out, leadership isn’t performance. It’s presence.

Takeaway: Trying to sound like a lead pushes people away. Acting like one pulls them in.

Try this: Next meeting, ask one question that helps someone else clarify their thinking. That’s what leaders do.

P.S: If you’ve been told to “be more strategic” but no one told you how, check out The Data Leader’s Influence System. It’s built for data pros who want to lead without faking it.

Until next time,

Yordan